My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
