Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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