DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
