bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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