8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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