Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was born a porn star she said
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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