Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
