If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
