He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
