he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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