3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am available for nakedness
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
