I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I bet he comes in French.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
