the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
