We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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