Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
