By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
