doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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