Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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