all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
