can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
