i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
