"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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