I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
