If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
