I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
