All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
