hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
