So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
