i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
