Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
