my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
