I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
