I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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