There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
