South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
