I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
