i permit you to call me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize