People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
