I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
