Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
