thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
