Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
