Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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