you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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