I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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