Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Randomize
