Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
