I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
