He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
