Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
