Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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