Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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