We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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