Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
