There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
