I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
