Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
