Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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