I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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