Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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