I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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