I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
