You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
