do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize