I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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