"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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