Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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