Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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