the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
