Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
