You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
