eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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