Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You're like the curious george of whores
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
