Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
